And tear our pleasures with rough strife Throughout the iron gates of life...
Not everyone uses our world for what they consider erotic purposes. But it’s a starting point for many of us—due both to popular conception, and the closeness of those two ancient drives, reproduction and dominance/submission. It’s also where most vanilla people touch our world; even vanilla people understand “losing control” for eros.
And for us…
I remember this as one of the steps in my own learning. I came to it by instinct; the time simply seemed right.
Whatever stage you are at when you read or re-read this, always try to imagine yourself here:
We have been playing for a bit of time. You are becoming more and more drawn to our…games. So far, they have been restricted only to specific times, specific scenes—and so far, with me or with others, that is all you have known.
And then I whisper to you:
“You are always mine.”
“You are mine to take at will.”
I have said this to you before, in scene, as part of the moment.
But now I add something:
“Tomorrow, you will have for me a password, and a safeword that goes with it.
“At any time, in any place, when I say your password—you are mine. Just as you are now. But this time… unplanned, unexpected, not known to you in advance.
“If circumstances beyond control require, use the safeword and apologize.
“If you have commitments, tell me— addressing me properly— what they are.
“Because otherwise, you cannot be sure when I might choose to release you.
“You will fuck me.
“You will be touched by me.
“You will take anything that I feel like giving you.
“You will be mine.
“Is that clear?”
“Disregarding place or situation.”
Here is a little game about control, about desire, about frustration and satiation.
Set aside two hours for me. Be sure you have a timer, or a reliable clock; be sure you won’t be disturbed. You will need a pair of coins, preferably quarters.
Begin to masturbate. Use whatever stimulation you prefer; my only rule is that you never forget that you are doing this for me…not you.
Every twenty minutes, flip both coins.
If they are both heads, you may come.
Do not even consider coming otherwise, during this time.
When the time is over, reflect on what you have just done, what it felt like, and why.
You are forbidden orgasm for two hours following this exercise.
I remember what I think of as my first scene…
It was with Renee, who was trapped in a relationship with a very, very possessive boy. She had escaped for the weekend because she’d told him she needed to leave for a few days… or else forever.
Yes, for two days, we had great sex.
But on the last night…
She was… the first person I had spanked, to make it simple. We knew about a mutual interest in bondage, and were, that night, watching “Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!” Perhaps it’s a good film, but it wasn’t what we had wanted, and I was growing frustrated with it. I think I said to myself, “That isn’t what bondage is about!”
And… instinct?… took over. I grabbed my handcuffs, and my little toy riding crop, and a spare valise I had, and as she watched the movie, I ran about the house, picking up whatever objects I found…each one beckoning to me, speaking plainly of sensual uses.
The entire world was an erotic shop. It’s probably a good thing the valise wasn’t too large, or that night might never have found an ending…
I might describe that scene another time. I might not. But it was the beginning of my path. And I haven’t forgotten it.
Use whatever triggers make you feel sensual; a bath, music, food, certain thoughts, pictures, what-have-you; not aroused, specifically, but aware of your body. Get yourself into that frame of mind.
This is an exercise in sensations.
Go and gather objects—anything that might brush or rub or burn or cool or wet or blow air on or heat or scratch or otherwise cause tingles in your skin, without risk of harm.
Take some time.
Begin trying your newfound toys against your skin… both the traditionally erogenous areas, and more mundane spaces. Try your hot spots, try your neutral areas. Open your eyes, close your eyes, be fast, be slow, alternate, feel.
This is an exercise in using your body as an instrument of reception, another a piece of the ongoing, perpetual rediscovery of the potential of your flesh. It is another opening—an opening of your body and mind to more stimulus, making it a more knowledgeable, more prepared receptacle for pain and pleasure and surprise.
Bring this to your level of ability.
If this exercise is difficult, take it slow and try more conventional objects, like ice and warm cloth.
If this is familiar or easy, challenge yourself.
girl in the box
Just a box, in a darkened room. It is not high, not as tall as you crouch. It is not long, no longer than your body when on all fours, uncomfortably compressed. It is barely as wide as your hips and has a hole in the front and a hole in back. It is nailed shut and you are bound inside, your mouth open— it had better stay open— against the first hole; your pussy, concave, sweet, pressed up against the second. If there is ever a moment when your holes do not line up easily with the holes of the box, you will fucking learn lessons in regret.
On all fours. Imitate the posture of the girl in the box.
Make yourself uncomfortable. You are a hole, to be used; you should not expect comfort. Visualize the anonymous patrons of my box, my friends, my paying customers, people on the street with whom I choose to share my property, to demonstrate that it is mine. Visualize the penetration. Try hard to find a pleasure spot in your mind, to enjoy this, and the moment you do, STOP.